This is for the mindfulness class this week. We are going to explore some principles and methods for making unhelpful conversations more effective.
- We all have conversations which are unhelpful and unpleasant. These conversations often repeat themselves, with consistently unhelpful and unpleasant results.
- We try to make the conversations pleasant. So we avoid the real issues and the conversation is pleasant, but still unhelpful.
- Or we avoid the conversations altogether, which is still unhelpful.
Continue reading Changing Unhelpful Conversations
I often work with people who have been seriously harmed by someone else. They often struggle with the idea of forgiveness. They have a sense that forgiving the other person is something they should do, but they have concerns that doing so will leave them vulnerable or discount the harm they have suffered. This is especially true when they have left a violent relationship. The issue gets very muddled.
The following metaphor has helped clarify the idea of forgiveness for many of the people I have worked with.
Continue reading Forgiveness – A Metaphor
How do we decide what to do without judging?
In an earlier post I discussed contemplation contrasted with rumination. One of the unhelpful processes that creates rumination I called “judging” and suggested that many times we are able to act more effectively if we use describing instead of judging.
When I present this to people I find that some wonder how they can decide what to do if they are not judging, if they don’t label things as right and wrong.
Continue reading Discerning not Judging